Confessions of A Middle-Aged Woman

I’m coming to you a little over midway through my spring cleanse.

This year, I’m doing a more intense cleanse - an at home version of pancha karma that was created for me by a student practitioner from Alandi clinic in Boulder.

I rise before the sun to meditate, oil my body from head to toe, put herbal ghee in my nose, sweat in a bath, and drink some rehydration tea. I eat kitchari for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Later in the day, I do some purging: either castor oil or oil enema or herbal decoction enema. Everything is done very intentionally (and shouldn’t be done without guidance from a practitioner).

My partner is a little skeptical of all this, but also very supportive. He asked me again recently, "Why are you doing all this?"

(I discuss the why in more specific terms here.)

I gave him an analogy:

You know when you re-paint a house, or a car that is a decade old?

You don’t just throw new paint on it. You strip it down.

THEN you apply the fresh coat of paint.

I’m stripping off old physical and emotional gunk in my body. When this is done, I will go into a build up/rejuvenation phase. Fresh, delicious new paint.

It may not surprise you that I’ve gone into clearing clutter mode in my house.

I found financial aid letters for pharmacy school from 2003, for loans I paid off in 2017; a resumé from 2002 on real resumé paper.

My resumé circa 2002. Yes, my last name was Thomas for a minute in a short-lived marriage.

This brought up some old emotional STUFF.

I’m having grief come up around my youth, especially choices I made in my early 20s.

I wasn’t brave enough then to live the life I dreamed of. I wanted to move to LA and be involved in making movies as a writer and an actor.

Even as I move in the direction of those dreams in different way through my writing, it won’t be the same as if I had really gone for it then. I want to be realistic about that.

Simultaneously, I hold gratitude for how my life IS turning out so far.

I also cleared a lot of space this week to rest. I’ve resisted the urge to make any to-do lists. However: I am having trouble feeling like resting is enough.

Every day I think, 'maybe today I’ll get something done.'

I remind myself daily to have faith that things are moving forward for me as I rest, best I can.

I’m having cravings for anything but what I’m eating, but particularly pizza, chocolate, or a cheeseburger.

I’m feeling light and unfocused.

Why tell you all this?

I want you to give you a peak at how it looks behind the scenes. I want to reassure you it doesn’t have to be perfect (spoiler: it will never be perfect).

Even a simple cleanse, like committing to eat only kitchari for 3-7 days, without all the extra bells and whistles, can give you a nice reset. (Here are my previous experiences with this.)

Along the way, you may come up against your own layers that need grieving and shedding, and build more awareness about YOU.

Awareness is always the first step. You can’t move what you can’t see.

A cleanse can be especially powerful for a woman in perimenopause. This is because the symptoms are often an accumulation of how we've been living until now. Cleansing can help to move undigested toxins out of the tissues, and improve the digestive fire, which is really what it's all about.

I've created a guide to a simple 7 day kitchari cleanse. Feel free to grab it here, and pass on to anyone who might benefit.