The Importance of Mid-life (Menopause)Mindset
We’re continuing to walk through the impacts of moving through perimenopause. Today we’re talking about mindset. This is important– so it’s a bit long.
If you missed the past few blogs, catch up here:
I’ve been spending some time interviewing women in mid-life, and what I’ve noticed is a hesitation to admit they’re in perimenopause.
For women now past menopause, many of them can see the signs looking back, but weren’t always sure what was happening at the time.
There are probably a whole host of reasons for this, including that we’ve never been taught about the changes we might expect to see after age 40.
Many women after 40 say their bodies no longer respond how they used to – they might be gaining weight, losing sleep, or have a mental fog or fatigue that is crushing. There might be new aches and joint pain that need tending to with gentler forms of exercise, instead of jumping on concrete like you did in your 20s.
Another reason we don’t say we’re in perimenopause is mindset.
My sister told me that admitting you’re in perimenopause is like “giving up.” I think this is part of a deep cultural narrative attempting to usurp power from elder women. In a model where fertility and being youthful looking and thin are a woman’s highest value, losing that makes us no longer important contributors to the world.
Changing perspective in a peaceful place. Lake Dillon, CO. Photo by Ron Michael Photography.
I would really love to change this narrative.
What I’ve been learning from wise-women, post-menopause and into their 70s, is that menopause is truly an opportunity for an initiation into a new stage of life, much like puberty or menarche (start of bleeding) was an initiation into our fertile time of life.
And what is this stage of life?
I believe it’s the Creatrix, then the Crone.
(Side note– I did not coin this. I don’t recall where I first came across it, but a woman named Stephanie Raffelock wrote a book called Creatrix Rising about women in midlife)
In essence, when our bodies stop funneling so much energy every month into the potential creation of babies (whether we become literal mothers or not) via our menstrual cycle, our energy is freed up to create and birth other things into the world: Creatrix energy.
Additionally, estrogen is a hormone that lends toward pleasing others– this again being a way to propagate the species. Please a partner, make babies, and nurture them into the world.
During perimenopause and into menopause, our estrogen levels drop substantially— and we care much less about what others think.
Rolling back around to the idea of mindset, it makes a huge difference if we know what to expect: our entire being is rearranging. And well, if you’ve ever moved to a new home, you know rearrangement is uncomfortable.
Our brain is rewiring (this has finally started to be studied), our organs are resetting to the differences in hormone levels, and our estrogen and progesterone are moving towards a low, steady production and will no longer be cycling. Our energy will start to cycle fully with the moon instead (I’ll write more on this another time, it’s beautiful!).
It takes YEARS. This is perimenopause– a 3 to 12 year transition, and the rearranging can continue for a couple of years post the official last moon bleed– eg, your last period, menopause.
The new mindset I propose: can we be open to the changes, stay with our discomforts, and consider what our body is asking us to listen and respond to?
How can you align yourself more with your highest self’s deepest desires and values? Can we celebrate transitioning into this new stage of life?
What changes need to be made in your life?
Additionally, can we practice acceptance for some of these changes? For example, if there is some weight gain, but you still feel good in your body and it seems like a healthy place to be, perhaps you clean out the closet and buy new clothes that fit, take up the space, and find love for your new form?
Many of these mindset shifts are soooo personal. They range from loving the new folds and laugh lines around your mouth to accepting that you may not want to have much sex right now.
Remember that nothing in this life is permanent. Things are always changing. To live our lives, we need to be as present as possible for each moment as it arises.
My vision is that we embrace this as yet another stage of life, where we can live vibrantly and shed the cultural constructs we didn’t realize we were breathing in every day, until we began to face them.
AND— as I’ve written about in my vision for a new reality around menopause, I plan to have a huge party when I cross the menopause threshold– like a wedding reception, with cake, dancing, and presents.